Today it rained heavily. The clouds had never been this heavy so they had to let go like never before.
A girl was walking back to her house when the outpouring started. She had not even reached halfway her home when the winds started roaring, when lightnings started crashing. Everybody on the way was searching for or had already kept themselves under some kind of protection from the rain. She was the only person walking on the road; clothes all wet, makeup all messed up. Did she not have an umbrella? Maybe. Or else why would she not open it?
To the people standing under roofs, the rain was harsh, it fell like hailstones on the shoulders, but to the girl, the rain had never been this gentle before. To those people, the wind was cruel, it carried away boxes and boxes belonging to them, it messed up their hair, but to the girl, the wind was soft like the breeze, that only knew how to whistle in her ears. The feeling of raindrops flowing through her body was heavenly; it reminded her that she was alive and breathing. The roads were all muddy yet grace was what carried her as if she walked on water.
Just before she reached her home, the rainfall stopped. She was all wet until then, and not to forget, for ending up that way people stared at her as if getting wet in the rain was a crime. Did she care about those stares? Not a chance. That would be the least of the things she cared about.
Nearly after an hour of walking, she finally reached her home, walked up through the stairs and entered the hallway where her mother had been waiting for her to arrive. The first thing she received was not a pair of warm clothes but an endless series of scowls for not carrying an umbrella, for being so careless when the weather forecast clearly mentioned that heavy rainfall were to occur that very day. She deserved that for being so reckless. Eventually, she changed to a pair of warm clothes, had some coffee to herself, and started reading the novel ‘Emma’ by Jane Austen.
Just before the dinner she remembered a work that she had to do but had not done. So, she picked up the bag she carried that very day and pulled out an umbrella. Yes, an umbrella. She had forgot to keep it on the rack for the next day. Yes, she had the umbrella all along.
I look around. I see and realize that the way we define love has become more and more unjustifiable. Is it just two pairs of locked eyes, or intertwined fingers, or racing heartbeat, or sleepless nights that define love? Is it just an intimate feeling? Is it just something that we feel for our partner, or is it something more?
We all are so busy with our lives today that we don’t really care about the way we love, or the way we are being loved. When I say ‘love’ the first thing that stuck to your mind might have been the assumption that I am talking about how one partner feels for the other. Though this is not entirely correct, this is also not the truth in its entirety. In this writing, I will be talking about all kinds of love, how we define love today, and why it has become so necessary to redefine love.
Love is not just a feeling, it is an action. Many say that it’s not even an action but a choice. It does not really matter how we define love, just a single definition in never enough. Love is one of the most mysterious things mankind has come across, yet this is also one of the most misunderstood ones.
I have my own definition of love, but the definition has no words-I define love with experiences. For a moment, close your eyes and imagine these situations (I know it is difficult so it would be just fine if you imagine with your eyes open); you just saw a small child fall down a step while climbing a ladder; you are listening to your younger one on what mischief he did in his classroom today; you are talking with your grandparent on how things have changed from his time to this time, and you cannot stop smiling; you are sitting across your partner, no words have been spoken yet you feel worlds have passed in the silence and you never want the silence to end, you just want to be there holding hands lost into each other’s eyes. In all these situations, you might have felt something inside you, either something troubling, or something soothing. What you just felt is what love really is. See, it has to be experienced, and this is why it can never be defined just by a few words.
Love is the only inheritance that truly belong to us. When we look at our mother, we feel a sense of belonging, a sense of safety, and these are nothing but love expressing itself in different forms. Later in our lives, we long for the same sense of belonging and safety when we seek a partner. It is something that makes us feel so happy at times, but it is also something that makes us so sad that it leaves us all broke and aching. Nevertheless, love is the most wonderful feeling anyone can ever experience, it is the most beautiful gift to have from someone and to give someone.
It makes me sad when I see people limiting the idea of love within just a few actions; if mom cooks me delicious food today she loves me; if dad brings me a new bike on my birthday he loves me; if my brother brings me a token from his visit he loves me; if my sister gifts me a good set of make-up this time I visit her she loves me; if my boyfriend wishes me good night every night he loves me; if my girlfriend texts me back immediately after I text her she loves me; and what not. Nothing in this world can really be as giving as love itself, yet sometimes we expect so many things to happen to us for the sake of what we perceive as love, we never really get to become receiving towards all that love has to offer.
Love is the most precious feeling and that is why it comes with a price. Not something like we need to pay for something wrong we have done, but to present our gratitude towards the feeling. I often imagine it in this way-Love is a traveler, and we need to offer it something so that it stays with us for as long as we want. I believe that nothing can be more alluring to love than respect and faith. These are often said to be the currency of love. A relationship with little or none of these is destined to fail. Moreover, a person seeking love should also be someone who knows what empathy is and why it is important. Nothing is more valuable than a friend who understands your laughters and tears and also never backs off from experiencing these alongside you. Communication is another important foundation for a strong love relationship. To me, it is always necessary to let my people know what I lack and what my setbacks are. If they stay, they are someone who I hold on to, and if they don’t I don’t find it difficult to let them go. And another thing that I really value is the idea to always make my partner look brilliant, in whatever he/she has been doing. It is also equally important to learn from each other and to find balance, so that when one falls down there is always the other to pick up.
Every one of us has our own baggage in life. When we dive into a relationship, we dive in with the baggage; not with all that belong to us but with most of what really belongs to us. So it is always necessary to know how we have been affecting our partner. When it comes to me, I find it necessary to question self “How difficult am I as a partner?” The answer that comes always helps navigate through relationships.
To me, love is the most explored yet the most contradicted feeling in the world. The idea of love is something that fascinates me like nothing else. Because I treasure the idea so much, I could not see its importance fading away and this is why I ended up writing this blog. Love is what makes me, and I value love like nothing else in this world. I make sure that every moment that I live enriches me with even more love. At the end of the day, I want to make love stay with me for so long that it becomes a part of me.
The number of people who have asked me this question is obviously more than the number of people who have asked my name. It bothered me in earlier days, but now that I have come to know that people mistake contemplation with seriousness, it has become a question worth answering. But before that, if you ever find me serious hell lot of times (because you will, if you stay close to me for long enough) just know that you are always welcome to leave my company; not because it’d offend me, but because I’d understand that your values probably don’t match with mine.
The habit of contemplation-how it started?
I had a pretty rough time during my ninth and tenth grades. Never talked much, and always would stick by my not-so-dear books. Reason-not because I wanted to be a book-worm, but because I never wanted to talk to people around. Every lesson, every day in school was a burden for a number of reasons (which I probably won’t talk about), eventually leading a jolly me to turn to a ‘oh-so-serious’ me. I don’t even remember having one conversation with my friends which I really wanted to continue, not a single!
The seriousness was a by-product of those two years. And the next two years in new high school added to this. But this had to end. The ‘Budhanilkantha School’ happened to me when I needed it the most. I didn’t know it then but now that I look back, I cannot help myself thank that very moment which decided that I’d spend two miraculous years in that very miraculous place. If it was not for the friends I had there, I don’t know in which world I would be right now. Maybe that’s why I never get enough of thanking these people. They probably will never know what they have done without even realizing, but some things are better this way, aren’t they?
Eventually, the seriousness turned into contemplation, and lost faith into hopes. If things had been the same, I’d probably be lost somewhere in my mind right now without even wanting to. And you probably wouldn’t have gone through this piece of writing.
I am a girl and in the 18 years of my life I have been through incidents that have been disturbing to my sense of being a girl. I have always spoken against misogyny. I have been moved to my core seeing the acts of suppression that girls and women have had to suffer from. I have had innumerable sleepless nights unwillingly picturing the pain of the victims of incidents like the Delhi gang rape and murder, and Nirmala’s rape and murder. Not to forget, the #MeToo movement was one of the many incidents that kept me reminding of the way a woman is perceived in the world we live today, and of the fact of female objectification. Eventually, I ended up questioning myself, “Do I feel the way a feminist does?”
We claim to be living in the time when fourth wave of feminism sweeps across the world. From women’s suffrage to protection of physical rights, feminism has brought unprecedented accomplishments to humanity as a whole. Despite these accomplishments, why was I bothered by the question of whether I were a feminist, or whether I felt the way a feminist does? Was it wrong?
Whenever I see around, I find people coming up with all contradicting, not to mention, ironic definitions of ‘feminism’. Being specific to where I live, allocating a seat or two for women; fulfilling the part of a colleague just because one thinks she won’t be able to handle all the shits (because she is a woman); asking the opinion of a female counterpart on a certain topic of discussion without bothering to ever undertake the idea she proposes is what feminism looks like. The word had become burden to my senses due to these meaningless labels that our society has put above it. These are the reasons why I ever questioned myself in the first place.
Now, I have decided. I am a ‘difference feminist’-one who believes that men and women have same level of ability to do any specific task, yet their physical and emotional capabilities are no where close to being in the same level. A man, is by birth, physically stronger than a woman. A woman, on the other hand, is emotionally stronger than a man. Both of the sexes have their own way of expression and I respect them. A woman is more kind and empathetic, and it is no where close to being ‘weak’. And it is never necessary for a woman to be rude, or arrogant, or seemingly ‘strong’, to be taken as sensible. This is what I believe, and this is why I stand as a difference feminist.
A simple yet intriguing question. I am not asking whether you are feeling ‘good’, ‘fine’ or ‘okay’, rather, I am asking you the state of your emotions right now, at this moment when my words are speaking to you. Are you emotionally intelligent enough to answer me? If yes, we probably should meet.
I doubt if many people can really answer this question authentically. I was in the same pool of people, who were blindfolded on their journey in life. Who knew they were having a hard time understanding why they felt the way they did. Who never thought what values one could have. And most importantly, who never gave this a thought – “Do my emotions really matter? “
I am a girl of 18, and making decisions is something that I do everyday. Some of the decisions that I make affect only me, and some decisions affect the people around me too. In this era where everybody is so busy with their lives, we all know its difficult to empathize with the people around. Nonetheless, this is the same reason why one neighbor becomes so inconsiderate with the other neighbor’s needs, why parents fail to understand their children, why a colleague misleads the other colleague’s intention, why wars begin, why people slaughter each other and many more.
I knew none of the aforementioned things before 5 months . My high school was over and I was looking for something to get myself busy with. That’s when a friend of mine suggested to go to a session that would revolve around the idea of emotions,’Start Here’-An intellectual product of My Emotions Matter. With the desire to know what ‘Emotional Intelligence’ really means, I agreed to participate. The 10-day long session was filled with listening, introspecting, sharing, trying, expressing, and nurturing. Every single day we would be introduced to a whole new way of looking at emotions, at the way one feels. We would dive into oceans of deep thoughts and come out with shining pearls of introspection. Once we were told to empathize the way our shoes, all worn and torn by our daily use, might feel of its situation; to personify the shoes and to ‘be in its shoes’. The other time, we were told to carry out an improv in different scenarios. During the improv I played the role in any way I wanted to, without knowing why I was doing it the way I was doing it. But after the improv, when we were introduced to the concept of ‘driver’, ‘passenger’, ‘generator’ and ‘blocker’, a revelation occurred to me. I realized that I was a ‘driver’-one who would rather create rules than follow the ones made by other,and one who would lead rather than follow. I had always been this person and I never knew. I utterly felt the need to be a ‘generator’-who would lead as a ‘driver’ when needed, and who would ‘follow’ as a ‘passenger’ when the situation demands.
This learning has been significant. Now I feel I am more aware of myself and my needs, which in turn has improved my relationships. Living a life of purpose has been of utmost priority to me now. And I know what my values are and what I really need to grow.
Today, I am a Research Intern at My Emotions Matter. The ones in whose session I participated are my mentors. I intent to prepare myself for whatever comes up and everyday I am growing in a way I could never think of. I have a family besides my own here at My Emotions Matter. Learning something new has always been fruitful and the intellectual space that we have is invaluable.
Now I can confidently say,”Yes, my emotions matter” and why, “because they define me.”
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